Monday, January 03, 2005

Happy (belated) new year!

So it's a couple days after the new year, and I've noticed this year, well, at least new year's eve, seemed a bit different. Probably like most folks, I usually go through this introspective time, thinking about how the year went, what could've been better, etc. This new year's eve, I didn't really do that. Maybe it's because last year was so difficult, so unsure, that I had no idea what was going to happen and that things had to have gotten better. There was really no other place to go. After my mom dying early 2003, going through a year of fighting to stay in my doctoral program, and running my second marathon, I was really drained and felt pretty directionless.

Things seem a bit more settled, and yet unsettled at the same time--I've taken on new challenges, working on my dissertation (finally), being interim director for the Filipino Task Force on AIDS, and seeing how my relationship with my bf has changed and is going. The weird thing is that all of these things were happening because they were forced upon me, and I guess it's only natural to be complacent and be resistant to change. But as soon as I got into these new things, it felt like these were things that I should be doing. One word kept on coming into my mind when I thought about this year: destiny. It feels like I'm finally heading towards something that feels right--not sure how to explain it, but things are finally moving in a direction that I'm excited about. It's scary, since I'm not used to change anymore--but I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be.