Monday, June 20, 2005

People at the gym that really, really annoy me...

So I've been a faithful member of UCSF's gym here for the past 5 years (and I'm finally getting rid of my 24 Hour membership because their gyms are just nasty), and while for the most part I love the gym because it's clean, the people there are nice, and there are lots of cute students; there are some really annoying people at the gym that just get my goat. It's lessened somewhat since I've stopped doing free weights since it took too damn long to do my workouts (1-2 hours, and that includes having to deal with all the muscle queens, clueless men and women who are there to ogle the muscle queens, etc.) and started doing Body Pump and taking lap swim classes (swimming anywhere from 2200-2700 yards per workout) instead. It's helped immensely since I'm more toned and not as bulky, but I do need to work a lot on what I eat. If anyone can help me out with that, I'd appreciate it. :)

So these are a list of people that just annoy me at the gym, in no particular order.

1. The guys who cruise for sex at the gym. While this usually doesn't annoy me, it gets irritating when it's the same damn guys walking around like it's a frickin' gay sex club. Too bad the guys aren't particularly attractive, nor are they subtle about it. There's this one Asian guy, in glasses, who's kinda cute in a dorky/nerdy sort of way, but all he does is go into the locker room, take off his clothes, slaps on a towel, and walks up and down the locker room, showers 5-6 times in 10-15 minutes and sits in the sauna. Numerous times I've seen him do this while I'm trying to shower off all the chlorine after my lap swim class. I'm so tempted to say, "Dude, don't look so obvious," or just give him a quickie bj in the bathroom just so he'd get the fuck out. He has a nice cock too, so I wouldn't mind, but it is annoying. I've complained to a couple of the queer staff there and apparently he's been doing this for years. I've asked them why they haven't revoked his membership, and they just answer with a shrug. Any other gym and he'd have been kicked out a long time ago--thank god for sex clubs like Steamworks and the Watergarden, but doing this at a regular gym is just asking for trouble.

2. Inexperienced people at the free weights who use WAY too much weight. This happens a lot. New guy (or girl) comes in, is totally intimidated by all the people who've been working out for years, and tries to prove that s/he's worthy by doing some kind of exercise with a huge amount of weight with the wrong technique that's just begging to become some kind of nasty injury if they're not careful. Probably the most obvious one is the lat pull-down machine, a machine where one holds onto a metal bar, usually at least as wide as shoulder width and pulls the metal bar down in front of the body. The trick is to have everything else supported so that the only muscles you use are the ones in the back and the biceps, meaning you shove your legs underneath the leg rest so that your lower body is immobilized; sitting up straight, and making sure to focus enough so that your back is doing all the work. Also, pull the bar in front of you, since trying to do it behind can lead to some nasty neck or shoulder injuries. If you do it right, you only need a minimum amount of weight and it's pretty difficult. When I was doing weights consistently, the most I can do correctly was maybe 80-90 pounds, 3 sets, 10 reps. Most of the other muscleboys can maybe do 110-120, and it's jaw dropping to see their muscles work. Of course, the novices see that, bulk up the weight to 150-170, and literally tug at the thing with their whole bodies while they bring the bar behind them. I can almost hear things snap and pop that aren't supposed to.

Even worse is when people bench press and either bounce the bar off their chest (could lead to cartilage or bone snapping if the weight's too much), or people clanging the goddamn weights when they're done. If you have good technique, people shouldn't be able to hear you put the weights on or off. If you have bad technique, well, everyone knows it.

Case in point--there's this short butch Asian dyke who works out on the gym and has at least 10 pounds of piercings in each ear, along with wearing 80s style workout clothes that Grace Jones stopped wearing years ago. Every time she goes into the free weight room to do her rows, she jacks up the weight, pulls out the rows and proceeds to move the weight back and forth maybe 1 1/2 inch in either direction about 20 times before throwing the weight down, like she wants people to know that she's doing the work. Maybe if she took off the piercings the weight would be easier for her.

The one thing that amazes me is that for all their posturing, the really serious muscle boys don't even notice the novices are there!

3. People in the sauna. Aside from the guys cruising for sex (see #1), there are people who go in doing all sorts of crazy shit there. Most of it's annoying, like people shaving or exercising or something they're not supposed to do, but this one guy who I think got his membership revoked takes the cake.

He was this big European guy who always brought a bottle of baby oil and slathered over his be-speedo'ed body. By the time he was done, the entire fucking sauna was covered in baby oil, and he looked like a roasted chicken (and the sauna smelled like one). Never mind that he wasn't supposed to have anything on in the sauna except for a towel, nor was he supposed to bring baby oil inside.

This is one (probably of many) instance where the naked body is a lot less obscene then people wearing clothing. The whole situation was just made that much more disgusting because he was wearing a speedo instead if he were naked.

4. Guys who wear underwear in the shower. This I do not and cannot understand for any reason at all, and again it seems more obscene and disgusting to have a guy wear his underwear in the shower than if he were naked. For some reason, the only men who seem to do this are either Latino or Asian and who seem incredibly macho otherwise, but yet for some reason are so insecure in the shower that they have to put on underwear so that no one can see their dicks. The fucking underwear gets wet anyway and it just looks ... gross. There's this one Asian guy who always goes in wears the same damn underwear, showers, then halfway through the shower ends up taking off his underwear and proceeds to wash it. I am now fully convinced that this guy only owns one piece of underwear and am tempted to take up a collection so that he can buy more.

Well, aside from all the criticisms, I really do love working out at the gym. Given the fact that I'm probably in the best shape of my life right now because the facilities and staff are so great, it's just the fuckwits who also go there that make it either amusing or irritating, depending on my mood.



Bernie said...

LOL. I could have written this.

I won't comment on #1 because my gym is known for that. It seems to be why people come (or is that cum).

2. The novices like to lift as much as they can for 2, maybe 3 reps, then walk around like they've done something. Numb nuts, it's less weight, more reps, ok!

3. There was a guy in the sauna once doing this 30 minute aerobic/stretching/grunting thing that just annoyed the hell out of everyone. It's like, exercise out on the f-in' floor!

4. It must be a cultural thing. Here on the east coast, the only guys I see wearing shorts in the shower tend to be Latino too. I saw a guy go in the steam room fully clothed once. Amazing!

Bernie said...

P.S. How about the guys who only work their upper bodies? Pencil-size legs, but huge upper bodies. They're usually the ones wearing sweat pants. I imagine the only mirrors in their homes are the ones on the medicine cabinet.

Efren said...

LOL, I totally agree about those guys. There are a lot of guys who have big uppber bodies, but will never wear shorts.

Thank god we have hills in SF, so people usually have nice legs and arms. I noticed this a lot more in LA because there are no hills.