Tuesday, September 06, 2005

What I did on Labor Day weekend...

I went to LA to visit friends that I hadn't seen in a while and ended up getting a huge dose of nostalgia.

We stayed with a friend of mine who I met 10+ years ago when I was coming out, and we've basically been good friends ever since, though we didn't get a chance to really hang out since the husband and I were doing our thing while he was doing his. Hung out with my ex-bf and went to the Getty Center (which was pretty cool, especially since we saw 3 deer running up the hill when we were walking back to my car, along with all the great exhibits), and also with jozjozjoz and yoshi (we were there till 2 in the morning!). The husband and I went with jozjozjoz et al to this restaurant called Usui where I ended up getting this chanko nabe (the soup that sumo wrestlers eat since I was having a craving) and ended up getting this huge pot of stew for $9. I think the husband has pix of it, but not sure.

The main reason why we went down was for my friends' BBQ (they just bought a house over in Pasadena), and we ended up going to Lucky Boy (this greasy spoon on Arroyo Blvd. in Pasadena a mile after the 110 freeway ends in Pasadena) and gorged on fried veggies (amazing deep fried zucchini and onion rings) before walking out to Old Pasadena.

Along the way to Lucky Boy/Old Pasadena, I had to drive down a couple freeways that I was really familiar with since I used to live in South Pasadena and that's when the first twinges of nostalgia hit. It made me think of all the stuff that's happened to me ever since I lived there (broke up with my ex and got together with my husband; left two PhD programs) and all the old haunts that I used to go to in Old Pasadena where I graded papers and studied for my MA.

Then driving to our friends' BBQ really got me going--I basically ran into all my queer Asian friends that I hung out with when I was at UCR--one of whom remembered my old fundie days when I was still trying to be an ex-gay (Thank God that didn't work out). We all talked about the old days, what we've been up to over the past 10 years, all the old drama and gossip. It made me remember what I was like in my early 20s, and made me really glad I'm now in my early 30s. :)

Nostalgia's a weird thing sometimes, since (at least for me) I tend to gloss over a lot of the stuff and conveniently forget all the bad stuff that's happened and remember the fleeting moments of happiness and joy, although looking back, all those times when I was confused and upset, when I had no idea what the hell was going to happen to me, when it seemed my world was turned upside down only to right itself out. I've started to appreciate it. I guess this has been pretty pertinent considering that I've been thinking about whether I regret leaving both UCSB and UCSF's soc PhD programs, and not pursuing pharmacy earlier, or whatnot; or regret ever being the executive director (and/or executioner) of FTFA, etc. It also made me realize that things work out for a reason, whether it be Fate or God or whoever you want to believe in.

My husband's always said, "Do whatever makes you happy and I'll support you."

It's nice to know that he kept on saying that, and that I'm finally starting to do that for myself, and not just depending on him and my other friends. It feels like for the first time in a long time, I'm allowing myself to really do what I want to do, even if it's extremely scary and I'm in a (temporarily) precarious position.

That's the funny thing--I'm at a pretty difficult place financially and whatnot, but it feels like I'm happy with myself--the first time I've felt like this in years.

I used to think that nostalgia was for people who had nothing left to live for in the present. Now I'm realizing that there are reasons for nostalgia--and to make sure that you don't forget all the lessons learned during that time.

2 comments:

:: jozjozjoz :: said...

Twas so fun to see you guys!

Thanks again for the cats and dogs!

I'll have to take a picture and post it soon!

:: jozjozjoz :: said...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

GIANT CHANKO NABE COMING YOUR WAY!

(Hey you, update your blog!)