Monday, February 27, 2006

Crazy weather...

Isn't this SF, not Kansas?

While driving to pick up a package at the FedEx in South City, the lane markers for this road that's being worked on were blown all over the place, and I had no idea where to drive (thankfully, no one was on the road and I ended up in the correct lane). Branches were all over Bayshore, and I apparently ran over a pretty big eucalyptus branch (I smelled eucalyptus afterwards).

Driving back, I had to make two different U-turns since a huge tree branch had fallen on top of a car, and then again when a power line had fallen onto the road.

It's not even raining that hard, but the winds are just making it difficult to get around. I haven't seen it this windy since I was in LA and dealt with the Santa Anas on a regular basis...geez!

I would've taken pictures but was too awestruck to really take them and because my cameraphone doesn't have a flash.

More things going through my head...

--Horrified about all the political crap going down in southeast Asia--Thailand's PM dissolving its parliament for snap elections; the president of the Philippines declaring a national state of emergency and banning opposition protests. And GMA is supposed to be a staunch ally of Bush? *shudder*

--Been studying for my o-chem midterm on Wednesday and all I've been thinking about is molecules, molecules and more molecules.

--Also was talking to people I'm taking the class with and realized that if things go the way they have been, I have a pretty good chance of getting back into UCSF (yay).

--Been trying to get back into swimming and all that since I'm realizing I'm out of shape. Blah.

Oh well, back to running errands (and trying to win the Mega Millions lottery tomorrow!)

Saturday, February 25, 2006

can someone give me a new brain?

I have all these unfinished blog postings that don't make any sense.

I wish I could blame it on drugs or drink, but I'm clean.


Lots of more random shit going through my head...

About my birthday in a week and a half;
about celebrating the 9th year (!!!) of being with the husband;
about enjoying life and where I am right now;
about seeing a direction in my life that I haven't really seen before;
about becoming more attractive to guys as I get older (?!);
about being carded more the past few months than I have the past few years (!);
about how I've become the person I hated 10-15 years ago, and actually loving it;
about the importance of words, friends, and emotions in my life;
about the creation of families;
about the fluidity of friendships;
about balancing the social theoryhead and the hard science geek;
about my brain and my body feeling more alive than i've felt in ages;
about having the courage to be one's self, to one's self;
about being really happy.

(How's that for some lame attempt at a prose piece? Take that!)

Saturday, February 18, 2006


So the husband and I are walking down Castro tonight so he could get a cookie and I could get some ginger tea at Quickly (because it's so frickin' cold--high was maybe 41 today), and some guy makes some weird noise, then grabs my right nipple.

I was completely shocked, and so was the husband.

And the guy wasn't even cute (at least according to the husband--I wasn't even paying attention). We were trying to figure out why until the husband realized it was International Bear Weekend.

and I don't even frickin' identify as a bear! sheesh!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Isn't tihs supposed to be SF?

Why the heck is it snowing?!

and why is it only 45 degrees outside?!


Thursday, February 16, 2006

More random thoughts...

--Valentine's day was the second wedding anniversary for me and the husband, which we celebrated by me hobbling about and gorging ourselves at Sauce, this fabulous American comfort food restaurant in Hayes Valley (ish). Fabulous prix fixe meal, which was served by our friend, Matty, who is also head waiter (not sure what the exact title is) and teacher of the Body Pump classes I've been taking for the past couple years. He comp'd a couple of amazing desserts when there was still some chocolate fondue that came with the prix fixe left. Pics of the food were taken by the husband and should be on my Flickr photostream.

--Surprised that it'll be 9 years for me and the husband come April.

--Turning 32 in a couple of weeks and not really that perturbed by it.

--Turned out the pain in my right foot I got over the weekend was a severe strain of the great toe (which I still have no idea about how it happened) and have been taking ibuprofen for it. Not sure if it really works, but the doctor says to take it anyway unless it's something else, like gout (shudder).

--My classes this semester are a LOT easier than I expected (yippee!). I'm actually enjoying o-chem. Shoot me now.

--Am trying to decide about my job situation and whether staying at one of my jobs is worth the annoyances I've been getting from them the past couple months, especially since I'm gaining such a good reputation from my other job that I've been asked to work in other hospitals in their system and that these hospitals are bending over backwards for me to fulfill my demands.

--I'm feeling good right now. Not sure why. Maybe it's the 50 g of fiber I had with the oatmeal and flaxseed I had for breakfast this morning.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Keeping my feet up...

The ball of my right foot has been hurting for the past couple days and I'll be seeing my doctor tomorrow morning to figure out what's going on. I'm 95% sure it's an overuse injury (I think from using a new transcription machine at my UCSF job), but I just want to make sure it's not anything else. It hurts mostly if I walk, so I've been trying not to walk as much as possible, though swimming in a really cold pool earlier today helped a lot.

It also helps that I have to study for two midterms in my bio class for tomorrow, and I'm amazed how ridiculously easy it's going to be (it helps that we have the exam practically already in hand and that I've been studying as well). Taking a break now and was watching curling in the Olympics before I got back to studying. You would think that what with the sport entails there'd be more people of color in the sport.

*ducks* Ok, don't hit me.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Brokeback Mountain, my thoughts...

[NOTE: There are some spoilers, so you've been warned!]

So I've been thinking about Brokeback Mountain, and my feelings about it, and how everyone around me loves it and raves about it and talks about its "daring concept" of showing love between two men as something normal.

When I saw it with the husband last month, I thought it was...good. Almost great, but not quite. And I really felt guilty for feeling like it wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but I can see why people have responded to it--it's a movie about two men who fall in love with each other, outside of the expectations of gay society, and the oppressiveness that results because of it. It shows a very deft and subtle touch in portraying the lives of these men who believe that society has no room for people who are not interested in heterosexual relationships, and the lengths they will go to maintain their relationship. Perhaps that's why it doesn't surprise me that much and why I didn't feel as moved as I thought I would be. To people who've experienced that sort of love and can feel that pressure of conforming, on pain of either social or actual death, it feels familiar, regardless of one's orientation.

What really struck me the most was how class was portrayed and (excuse me for my Marxist analysis) how that, more than anything, confines where the characters are and what they can do, and why they feel so constrained. As Jack's character moves up in socioeconomic class, and because he already is of higher class to begin with that Ennis, he realizes that it's possible to express his sexual urges, as long as he complies with his traditional roles of being a husband and father, and as long as he doesn't get caught. Ennis, because he doesn't have the money, also doesn't have the ability to see beyond Wyoming, and can't fathom the possibility of living the life that Jack wants, nor can he afford to express his desire for other men, financially or socially. For Ennis, it's better for him to be portrayed as a loner and simply be seen as cold towards women rather than being homosexual. And because they are both of relatively working class status, have the most to lose if they refuse to conform. With wealth comes the ability to transgress, and neither Jack nor Ennis truly have the capability to do so.

I think many people fail to see that the LGBT movement has largely been one of class, and that it was the richer white men who were able to move to cities here gay subcultures exist who established identity around sexual orientation, and who were the ones who could actually publicize it. And perhaps that's why it alienates so many people who aren't rich, male and white, and perhaps that's why Brokeback Mountain is so shocking--to see homosexual love that isn't "gay", that has no knowledge of mainstream rich, gay, white subculture, and that it hasn't really been portrayed at all in the media (and it also helps that the protagonists are also white), which is probably also why it's being banned in so many Asian countries, because it would resonate even more there, where the nascent queer movements are again, based around class.

So the main reasons why Brokeback Mountain was good was that it was an excellent character study; a precise analysis of homosexuality outside of mainstream gay culture; and the cast does everything it's supposed to, though Heath Ledger does the best of aging 20 years, while all the other actors don't quite make it. The pace was a bit too glacial for me, and everything else about the movie seemed a little too majestic and muscular. I guess the one thing that confused me the most was I couldn't really see how their first instance of having sex turned into a relationship, and what was the definite turning point that turned that night into a relationship. It really didn't become clear to me. As many people know, hot sex doesn't really establish a relationship, especially if the initial sex is less than a minute! :)

So those are the thoughts that have been brewing around in my head--and while it's something that I've glad I saw, I'm not sure I would see it again.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

About my mom...

So next Tuesday marks 3 years since my mom's passing, and for the first time I'm looking at it without the dread and painful rushing back of memories that accompanied the first two years. I've begun to make peace with it and I'm happy that I don't feel stuck at a phase of constant mourning and trepidation that affected me the first year and the disappointment of how my family changed after the second year.

I guess the turning point began when I had my tattoo done to commemorate my mom back in April '05 and as time's worn on, I've noticed that the tattoo has nicely integrated into my skin, instead of feeling like it was sticking above and outward from it. I can even see the skin pattern of creases through the tattoo and it really feels like it's a part of me.

I have noticed that I get these weird cravings for certain Filipino foods around this time, foods that I usually don't touch with a ten foot pole if I can help it. I have this weird craving right now for dinardaraan, otherwise known as dinuguan for all you Tagalog-speaking folks, otherwise known as "chocolate meat", which is essentially a stew of pig offal and pork in its own blood, spiced up with chile peppers. The cooked blood turns it dark brown, hence the term, chocolate meat. I usually don't eat it because of all the weird textures in my mouth, but I've come to expect these weird cravings from my mom on a regular basis. Funny thing is that I don't gain any significant weight after I fulfill these cravings. I guess it's a way for my mom to communicate with me and to still feel the pleasures of this world even though she's physically no longer a part of it.

I just hope to God that I don't get a craving for balut, or duck embryos in their shell. (I'd post a picture, but it's just nasty!).