Wednesday, March 08, 2006

A sign I'm getting older...

(Not that turning 32 yesterday isn't enough!)

I got an e-mail from my best friend from college who told me she was getting married next year. Given that this is a girl who's been fairly committment-phobic but had gotten into meeting guys online and that she was single when I just saw her back in July, it was a bit of a shock.

It got me thinking about relationships in general and how straight people vs. queer folk view relationships, and I guess the one thing that I've noticed (among my queer friends which I know is nowhere near the norm) is that my queer friends seem to go out a lot longer before they declare any sort of committment, while my straight friends (particularly as I get older) seem to feel the biological clock ticking and are more in a hurry to get married. Again, this is probably because I have friends who tend to think a lot more about relationships before they jump into them, but I have noticed that my very close queer friends seem a lot more deliberative in deciding that they're in a relationship, and my straight friends seem to claim they're seeing someone pretty often. Not to say that random fucking doesn't happen among my queer friends (which it does a lot), but they seem more comfortable in naming it as just random fucking and not attach any sort of extra meaning that doesn't really exist.

My own relationship is going through a bit of an evolution as well, as we've gone from a sexually open relationship (which it's always been from the get-go and something that we've never really had problems with) to more polyamorous (with the husband also seeing another guy--funny thing is that I was aware of it before the husband was and that I was okay with it), and I've been thinking about my own emotional wiring and whether I'd have the capability to be able to be romantically involved with more than one person. Sexually, it's never been a problem, but attaching something deeper than that, well, I've never really considered it. I have found myself really falling for other guys a couple of times while I've been with the husband, but I've never really had anything happen, simply because for one reason or another these guys would be unattainable (one b/c of distance, the other b/c he was moving back to Thailand) and so I never really thought about it. At least the husband and I have always been very open and honest about this with each other, and so it's never been that much of an issue. But it does get me thinking if I could have the capability that the husband has. I'm pretty sure I could if the situation presented itself, but for the time being, nothing's come up where I seriously had to think about. Guess I always like playing "what if's?" with myself.

I think that queer folk have always been more comfortable with "nontraditional" relationships since many people have claimed a queer identity because they don't have to subscribe to so-called traditional monogamy. My queer friends seem to get it, the straight friends I tend to not reveal it to because the relationship is already too complicated for them to begin with.

I'll probably have to think about it more...

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