Monday, March 06, 2006

(sings very quietly...)

happy birthday to me...
happy birthday to me...
happy birthday dear efren...
happy birthday to me...

Turning 32 tomorrow morning at 9:23 AM.

Birthdays haven't been as important to me as they used to be, primarily because I don't get the phone calls from my mom that I used to get. It was always a tradition ever since I moved out for my mom to call me really early in the morning to wish me a happy birthday and there was also the requisite jokes every time she called which never changed every single year she called me. When she passed 3 years ago, it was exactly a month before I turned 29, so it was pretty painful when my birthday did come around.

What I remember the most was that it was really the first time I had gone to her grave by myself, and that I had spent that night at my dad's since my sister and I were taking turns sleeping over there while we were still grieving. He was so much in grief that he had forgotten that it was my birthday, but I told him not to worry about it. I remember buying flowers, going over to her gravesite, laid them on her tombstone and started reflecting and praying. It was really the first time that I truly grieved my mom's passing. I played in my head the conversation that my mom and I would have on my birthday, over and over again, and the tears started coming. They didn't stop for almost an hour. I was able to finally start letting go of all the anger and grief that I had kept bottled up because of family obligations. I didn't care who saw me. I needed to do this, and that was the first time I really could.

Now, three years later, the pain isn't as sharp as it used to be, but it's still there. I've moved on, realizing that the beginning of my mom's passing was the beginning of the time that I really started to grow up. I've changed quite a bit since then, and I think it's for the better.

I'm sure my mom's proud.

Not sure if I'll be able to do anything tomorrow since I'm busy with school, but I'm ditching lab to be with my dad, since I haven't been able to see him in a long time because of work and school. The husband took me out to dinner last Friday and some friends are planning on taking me out this coming Friday.

It'd be nice to get some birthday wishes. :)

8 comments:

:: jozjozjoz :: said...

*sends you an e-cupcake with a candle on top*

AiYahh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AiYahh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AiYahh said...

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy BIIIIIIIRTHDAY to EFFFFFFREN.

HAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY TO TOOOOOOOOOU!

Love ya babe :)

:: jozjozjoz :: said...

I wanna know what x-rated stuff Aiyahh was saying...

barbara jane said...

so much birthday love to you, efren!

Shannon said...

Happy Birthday!

musikchyck said...

oops, a day late to the party, but happy birthday, efi!