Thursday, June 29, 2006

What a weird 24 hours it's been...

So I met two friends from junior high and elementary school (refer to my post below), and I had a surprisingly good time given my apprehension prior to meeting them. As I suspected, the friend who I came out to was dealing with his own issues about being gay and so didn't know how to respond when I had come out to him 15 years ago. So it wasn't surprising when he did come out to me last night.

What was a surprise was meeting my other friend who ended up coming out as a lesbian, who happens to be married, but only because her husband doesn't want to divorce her, even though she said that she would understand if he did. I kinda figured that she was a dyke, but considering she looked a lot more femme than I was expecting, it was a trip to see someone else come out. It also made me realize that out of the 10 or so Filipinos I was somewhat close to when I was in elementary and junior high, I know that at least half of us are queer.

It also made me realize how much I had tried to distance myself from the horrible time I had in elementary and junior high and being constantly picked on for being everything everyone else wasn't: working class, colored, a sissy boy, etc., and how painful it was to really talk about those years. My friend said that the only way to really get over it was to own it and see how it shaped us into the fabulous queers we are today.

I know he's right, but I guess it's another thing I have to accept that's going to take some time to deal with. Aside from hanging out with those two and a couple of other outcasts, I don't have a lot of fond memories of Catholic school at all.

At least now that I know that all 3 of us are queer and that we're all in the area, we're hoping we can hang out more often. It'd be a nice way to re-establish and remember the good times I had growing up.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

and I wonder why I don't go on myspace...

So I spent some time on myspace because a friend of mine said that a mutual friend of ours (well, I made out with this mutual friend back when I was 19 and he was 17 *sheepish grin*) was on it.

And I found out that said mutual friend is now a paraplegic after suffering a major car crash.
And that he's apparently Christian.

Not sure if he's ex-gay, but that would probably put the icing on the cake.

So after digesting that, I get an e-mail from a guy from myspace...

Who was my best friend in elementary school & junior high.
And who totally freaked out after I came out to him my freshman year in college (despite the fact that he was even a bigger flamer than I was).

And it looks like he still hasn't come out yet.

So we'll see what happens if he's really interested in being friends again. Considering he was totally needy when we were friends in school, I wonder how much he's really changed.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Thoughts about Pride and life...and other random shit...

Still reeling from Joz's announcement about her dad suffering a massive brain hemorrhage which brings back memories of my own experience of losing my mom 3 1/2 years ago, which was relatively sudden, if not unexpected, given her health. Please continue to send her messages and positive energy to her and her family. I guess if anything, it just continually reminds me of the temporality (does that even make sense?) of life in general, and that everything good that's going on needs to be appreciated; and everything bad, well, that'll pass soon enough. Probably the most lasting legacy of what happened was that I finally found the courage to be out completely, and to be true to myself and those closest to me.

SF's Gay Pride last weekend was, well, everything that I expected. Totally commercial (not surprisingly), though we did manage to sneak in some relatively non-commercial stuff like listening to joel tan do a fun reading of 70s and 80s songs that were racist against Asian Americans.

What's been bugging me was seeing the Radical Faeries areas, which were usually in a tent, but for some reason was out in the open this year. And while the Radical Faeries are known for being very sexually expressive, and with a lot of them walking around naked, and having sex with each other, for some reason it just bugged the shit out of me that a handful of them (maybe about 2 or 3 at most) were doing this in front of children. Most of them did it in their own space that was completely blocked off so that only adults could enter, which I don't have a problem with by any means. But it does make me wonder about the motivations of the ones who were doing it for all and sundry. Granted, some of the kids who happened to hang out were being led by idiotic parents who didn't realize what was going on, and there were other kids with their parentswere hanging out with naked men who weren't doing anything sexual except for just being naked, which is fine. But having sex in front of them...I was just extremely upset. Also given that many of the Radical Faeries (and a lot of other New Age folk) have this fucked-up romantic attitude toward primitive (usually Asianesque or Pacific Islander-esque, but also with pagan European traditions) where the historical and cultural context is lost among people trying to claim or re-claim these traditions, well, it was all I could do to not get into my educated ghetto mode.

Pride was fun for the most part, besides that. It was good to see friends who I hadn't seen since my self-imposed exile after being completely overexposed last year in the media, and I was happy to see that all my former staff is doing well.

Aside from that, trying to come grips with my own financial situation and realizing that I have to take control of my financial issues.

Blah. It's been a very introspective week, and it's only Tuesday!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Ow (again).

Stupid me walked around SF Gay Pride today without anysunscreen and now I'm paying for it big time. My upper body looks really red. Ow.

I have some random thoughts about my observations about what I saw at Pride today, but my brain's a bit overloaded. I'll probably post it tomorrow.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Please send your well wishes and positive thoughts to jozjozjoz...

She just posted something yesterday about her dad being in the hospital after suffering a massive stroke. Here's her post, and please send your well-wishes to her.

Thanks!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Thoughts about gay pride...

So it's the annual gay pride weekend here in SF, and so decided to post thoughts and questions that have run in my mind about pride...

o Is pride still relevant? Personally, no; socially, yes. I've realized I've come a very long way since being the closeted cyberslut when I was in college to now being 1/2 of the most famous married gay Asian male couple in the world :P and so I can look at pride as something that's evolved as the LGBTQ community (or at least the rich GWM community :D) has evolved to something more commercial (because of the myth that queers have a lot more disposable income; etc.) and rather irrelevant as the community becomes more conservative and not really standing for what I believe in, partly because of marriage, etc., especially as more people come out. But I am reminded that where I am personally as well as physically makes it easy for me to be both gay and Asian--talking to gay Asian folk who don't live in areas like SF, LA, or NYC reminds me how easy I've got it here.

o I've also been thinking about how fluid sexuality is--from dykes watching gay porn, to straight men having sex with each other and having sex with women for gay men--and to its more romantic/relationship side, especially seeing how my bi friends have started relationships with people of the same sex as well as with the opposite sex, and how people claim bisexuality--from people who are open to having sex and relationships with both men and women; to people who claim to be bi and have never had any sort of relationship with someone of the same (or opposite!) sex. I wonder how many gay men get turned on by watching straight couples having sex and then have to go through this whole mental rationalization of saying they were focusing on the guy. :) Unfortunately, it just makes me realize that I'm about as Kinsey 5.9999 as they come--I've had chances to have sex with women, but I've never been turned on enough to really go through with it. I'm probably one of the few fags out there who've never done anything with women.

More random thoughts to come...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Since Ghana kicked the US out of the World Cup...

here's a little video from Trivia no Izumi, making fun of the former chief of Ghana's soccer federation, Nyaho Nyaho-Tamakloe. "Nyaho" in Japanese is the equivalent of the English "meow," which is why there are so many pictures of cats in this video. :)

Monday, June 19, 2006

Father's day with my dad...

So yesterday was a double shot for my dad, it being both Father's Day and his birthday, and it was actually a pretty nice one. It also got me thinking of my dad since I don't really see him all that often because of my work schedule and his being constantly busy even though he's retired. Even though it's been almost 3 1/2 years since my mom passed, I still have a hard time thinking about my dad without thinking about "mom and dad." Especially since my sister isn't speaking to either of us for reasons that are still unclear, I'm sure it's hard for him to think about me just by myself without relationship to my sister.

Anyway, the one thing I noticed is that my dad is unusually taciturn as Asian dads go. Our conversations are usually extremely brief, punctuated by different types of grunts to signal his approval or disapproval, and the occasional sentence when he has something to say, which usually isn't much. So I took him out to the usual bad Asian buffet close to his house (I just stuck to everything that was cooked to death to make sure I wouldn't get any food poisoning considering how long everything stood out there), and we, er, I chatted, talking about pharmacy school applications, where I'm working, while my dad gorged. Driving back, he chatted about his aches and pains, and seemed to open up as I talked more and more about pharmacy school and how serious I am about applying.

Arriving home, my dad introduced me to his new thing, a little puppy dog named Spot that my cousin had given him about a month ago. He had given away my mom's cat to one of his cousins. Spot seemed really happy to see him, and me, even though I had never seen the dog before.

"So what type of dog is it?" I asked.
--Chihuahua, he said, with a straight face.

I looked at the dog again. He was small enough to be chihuahua-size and his features looked chihuahua-ish (short stubby legs, brief little yaps as his barks), but his fur pattern was definitely Dalmatian.

My dad seemed happy to show me Spot, even though he ignored my dad when my dad tried to get him to do his tricks. He just wanted to yap and jump since he was so happy to see him.

On the one hand, it was really nice to see him with his new dog, but then I suddenly felt weird that he had given away my mom's cat, and I couldn't figure out why--maybe it was because my mom had really taken care of the cat and knew when she had passed, but still stuck around, and that he was letting go of other reminders of my mom.

He started doing his chores around the house, and I stuck around to watch TV, most of which was in Tagalog and I could understand maybe a 1/3 of it (my parents speak another dialect, and so Tagalog sounds really strange to me). He was happy that I was there, even if we weren't really chatting or doing anything--but that my presence and my willingness to hang out with him even though I wasn't doing anything made him happy. I realized I had forgotten that.

After about an hour of me watching TV, he saw me off with a small bag of cherries and I drove around my old hometown, driving past my high school, trying to figure out if I should buy any new games for my Nintendo DS, and going to the old arcade that I went to a lot when I was a kid. Everything felt familiar, and yet everything felt really foreign to me, like the edges of me that should've fit into the neat puzzle that was my hometown and my life growing up had changed so that I didn't really fit anymore. Maybe that's why I'm feeling this sense of confusion that home has to be a mental and emotional place, and not physical.

I also realized driving back that this was the first time that I had truly done stuff on my own, without anyone else around, in a really long time. I drove home, listening to Sade's King of Sorrow, enjoying my friend's new mixes, and realized that if I were listening to this before, I would've internalized the lyrics like, "I'm crying everyone's tears/I have already paid for all my future sins."

But tonight felt different. It really felt like I was living in the moment, and I felt unbound by all the sadness and drama that usually happens when I see my dad or see my hometown. The lyrics and the singing still hit me, but coming to the realization that the song didn't really fit my life anymore was welcome.

I guess I really am grown up.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Last post of the night--Asian wins Mr. CSW Leather


Ok, I lied--THIS is the last post--while I don't
necessarily identify as a leatherman (though I have
done some kinky sex before...even the serious
leathermen were shocked :), it's always a welcome
shock to see more Asian men win these leather events,
particularly since it seems that the LGBTQ leather
scene seems to be a lot more welcoming of Asians
(maybe because of the kinky Japanese stuff that's seen
a lot, but who knows?).

I remember meeting this guy years ago and I had NO
idea that he was kinky, so it's very cool to see him
win.

Here's the press release from a good friend, George
Wong, a well-known leatherman from LA.

> P R E S S R E L E A S E
>
___________________________________________________________
>
> DATE: June 17, 2006
> SUBJECT: Mr. CSW Leather 2007
> CONTACT: Gio Micu, _MrBulletLeather@yahoo.com_
> (mailto:MrMrBulletLeather@yahoo.com)
>
___________________________________________________________
>
>
> Tom Wang Wins Mr. CSW Leather 2007
>
> CSW (Christopher Street West) produced Los Angeles
> Pride 2006 festivities
> the weekend of June 9-11 in West Hollywood, CA. CSW
> launched its inaugural Mr.
> CSW Leather contest on Saturday, June 10, at Erotic
> City within the LA Pride
> festival grounds. Gio Micu (Mr. Bullet Leather
> 2005) produced the contest
> under the direction of Raymond Rector and Steve
> Ganzell.
>
> The distinguished panel of judges included Joanne
> Granai, Director of
> Awareness Entertainment, Ruben Hernandez, Faultline
> Mr. Leather 2005, Lou Romano,
> Mr. Oil Can Harry's Leather 2005, and David Stern,
> publisher of IN Magazine.
> George Wong of Avatar Club served as Chief Judge.
> Contestants were judged on
> interview, cruise/bar wear, physique, formal
> leather and an extra challenge.
> The Hardware Store Challenge consisted of
> contestants going to the local
> hardware store to purchase $20 worth of materials
> to build a BDSM toy of their
> choice. Contestants described and demonstrated
> their creative workmanship on
> stage.
>
> Bob Johnson, Mr. LA Leather 2006, handled the emcee
> duties with fun and
> laughter. Bob was very accommodating to audience
> requests to show more skin
> throughout the event. Rob Henning, Gauntlet II Mr.
> Leather 2004, served as
> Contestant Coordinator to keep the contestants on
> schedule and relaxed as much as
> possible. Tim Stake, Mr. Oil Can Harry's 2006, had
> his laptop on hand to
> tally up the final results. Bob announced Tom Wang
> to be the first Mr. CSW
> Leather and Phillip Morton as the 1st Runner-up.
> Tom will go on to compete at
> Mr. LA Leather 2007 next March.
>
> Tom Wang is a young 33 and of Chinese descent. He
> is in a loving
> relationship with David Means and resides in
> Pasadena. Tom's other passion is creating
> large art murals on streets and sidewalks using
> chalk. Tom's
> responsibilities during his title year will focus
> on helping bridge the general LGBT and
> leather communities together within the LA area.
>
> The winner and contestants were awarded gift prizes
> from Rough Trade, IN
> Magazine, Leatherbyrd, Macleo Leather, Mr. S
> Leather, Oil Can Harry's and Eagle
> Bar who were vendors and participants at Erotic City
> during LA Pride weekend.
> Erotic City provided a safe place for the leather
> & kink curious to explore
> and learn more about the leather culture. An
> educational tent seated 250+
> people for fetish presentations and panel
> discussions. Maximus and Eagle LA
> hosted a Cigar Lounge for cigar and pipe
> aficionados to relax in. Erotic City
> was the place to be at during LA Pride. Come join
> us next year,
> _www.LAPride.org_ (http://www.LAPride.org) .

I'm more evil than Chad Fox?

Is that possible? :) (with apologies to Chad Fox.)

You Are 86% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!


Ok, I'll stop with the posts tonight--I'm just in a funky (in a good way), summery kind of mood and that I had a really nice day with the husband (despite all the weirdness--just scroll down).

Why I _NEVER_ do drag...


IM000742.JPG
Originally uploaded by AiYahh.
Good lord...this is what happens when the husband makes me his living Barbie doll--at least I didn't have to worry about cleavage!

Did we ever send this to jozjozjoz?


IM001384.JPG
Originally uploaded by AiYahh.
From our Honolulu trip a couple years ago. :)

More random shit...

o So I started my pharmacy school application today--and I just found out that someone who has a flickr account for UCSF School of Pharmacy added me as a contact. I guess it's a fairly good sign (from somewhere). :)

o I've been watching some movies from Frameline, SF's LGBTQ film festival, and of course, I'm seeing most of the Asian ones--I saw The Masseur (from the Philippines) on Thursday, and just saw Innocent (Canadian movie about a gay teenager from HK adjusting to living in Toronto) tonight. Both movies weren't bad--but they weren't great, either.

o It's been really nice today in SF (meaning it was over 70)--and of course, I hung out in the Castro and saw all the shirtless muscle boys and everyone else in tanks and tees and shorts.

o And I got my first sunburn of the year. Blah.

o Went to an opening party for the husband's friend's new restaurant, Juni, on Sutter between Van Ness and Polk in SF. Interesting stuff that makes Asian fusion seen more interesting, and was surprisingly not as pretentious as I thought it would be. And it helped that the guys I were hanging out were cute (even though they were potato queens, which is probably a good thing anyway). Was caught off guard since one of his friends was asking how I knew the husband (who knows his bf too), and was taken by surprise since I didn't know how to answer because it sounded like he didn't know that the husband and I were together--so I just said, "We're just really close friends!" I doubt he bought it.

o Had a couple of mini-epiphanies today while driving home after dropping off the husband at his bf's place. Was noticing that my arms and legs are decent but the rest of my body isn't in shape at all (Also didn't help that I was trying to swim yesterday and felt like a whale). Came to this realization that while I'm hoping people won't notice my face and torso and just see my legs and arms, that it's the first thing many people notice (duh)--and saw how that plays into other parts of my life--hoping that people will just see the outside parts and not notice all the other shit I'm going through, but it becomes fairly evident through my actions anyway.

o Related to this--I started listening to what my body wants to eat, instead of indulging in all these things that I want (which is usually laden with fat, meat, and sugar), and have noticed with a shock that I've been eating a lot more veggies and fish and chicken and almost no red meat at all. I don't think I'm losing my taste for it as I'm realizing how I don't need it as much.

o Other mini-epiphany--after watching Innocent, which goes through the whole tired discussion of being queer and Asian in North America (at least the main character has interests in all types of guys), I had this small period of mini-angst (of maybe about 2 minutes) where I was wondering, "Where do I fit in? Where's my home?", blah blah blah, when the husband said, "I know it's a tired cliche, but home is where the heart is." That brought me back down to earth and made me realize that home is where I want it to be, not projected on someone or something, but where I am.

o Going to see my dad tomorrow to wish him a happy birthday/Father's Day--taking him out to another bad Asian buffet somewhere in the South Bay (his choice of course).

o Got a Nintendo DS Lite, and am hooked on the New Super Mario Bros., and Mr. Driller. I just need to get Dig Dug and I'm a happy boy. :)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Tonkatsu, anyone?

Trivia no Tane #135: How many blotting tissues does it take to soak up all the oil in a fried pork cutlet (tonkatsu)?



Excuse me while I go get some tonkatsu curry. :)

Otherwise known as the _other_ fat gay Asian guy...

So I was over at the temporary home for the California Academy of Sciences over in SoMa last night with the husband and admiring all the cool exhibits out there (and trying not to think about the bio classes I've been taking), when a guy walks up to me and asks if I posted on some website. I look at him, confused, trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about.

It suddenly dawns on me that he thinks I'm Ernie Hsiung, of littleyellowdifferent.com fame.

While I was chewing that over, half shocked that I could be mistaken for him and wondering how the hell this guy could think we look alike, when his boyfriend starts talking about meeting down in San Jose--and then I realize that his boyfriend made these nearly-lethal drinks at a video game party and I got totally wasted to the point where I was showing my tattoo to all and sundry (at least I kept my shorts on) and that I had met them before.

But I was still thinking--how the fuck could they get us mixed up??? Considering that I've never met Ernie (even though I have him on my Yahoo 360 and my flickr), I'd like to think that he doesn't look at all like me.

And I'm nowhere near as famous as him online.

(I hope.)

Friday, June 09, 2006

Test from YouTube...

Trivia no Izumi #475: If you play Hitoto Yo's song, "Weeping in Sympathy," at 80% speed, it sounds like Hirai Ken singing (J-pop R&B singer).

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Whoa.

Not like the Keanu Reeves way of saying, "Whoa," but it's been a pretty strange week nonetheless.

o Monday night, after taking my hip hop dance class at UCSF, I was driving along 16th Street to pick up the husband at his bf's place and stopped at Church Street. The light turns green, I start going into the intersection when a fucking SUV from Nevada going against the light misses me by inches. I honk the horn, the SUV breaks hard and starts to drift, nearly flips over before stopping inches in front of the apartment building on 16th and Church. The other cars stop stunned. I'm too much in shock to really think about it until after I have dinner, grab a dessert and calm down until I realize, "Holy shit--I was nearly killed just now." I pick up the husband, and he thankfully offers to drive me home.

o Tuesday night I decided to go in for an HIV test, partly because I haven't been tested in a while and I just wanted some peace of mind--especially since I get so fucking paranoid when I think about how some little thing here or there that I do when I'm messing around puts me at risk. Most of the time I'm safe, and I can count the number of times I've done something that put me at high risk on the fingers of one hand. But each time I've done something...I freak out. I couldn't sleep the night before (partly because of the fucking near-accident), but I think that my glands are swollen because I'm having pain at the base of my neck (never mind that the lymph nodes are actually more around the top of the neck). It isn't until I take some ibuprofen and realize...it was a muscle strain.

You can probably guess how I got it. :P

Anyway, I take the HIV test, which is the new OraSure, which, contrary to its obvious sounding name, is taken from a finger stick. I've gotten fingersticks before and they've never hurt. For some reason though, when the phlebotomist sticks me, it hurts like a motherfucker. Even she says, "Wow, that sounded really blunt!" I was thinking, "Think how I feel!" The blood draws I've gotten have hurt less...sheesh.

So after my results come back (negative, thank God), I also decided to take some other tests for STDs. The oral test was done by the phlebotomist and straightforward enough. But I had to do the anal test by myself. Nonchalantly, the phlebotomist tells me where to go (the men's bathroom of course) and how to do it. Sure enough, there's a huge sign showing you how to administer your own rectal exam.

Lovely.

The husband actually commented that when he got his last STD test done, he had the lab tech do it. Maybe he was cute.

I'm glad I did it myself, thankyouverymuch.

And my finger still fucking hurts from that stick...sheesh.

At least it's better just to have that stick than the stress of not knowing whether I'm still negative or not.

o Hopefully, the rest of the week will be better--going to the California Academy of Sciences for hors d'oeuvres and watching fish have sex (oh baby--squirt into the water!); then going to Napa on Saturday so the husband can get some wine, then seeing friends on Sunday and zoning out on video games.

Oh yeah, also got some Japanese porn from a friend--the week's looking better already. :)

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Bulletproof underwear?

Celebrating my 200th post with a video :)

Trivia no Izumi #916: You can buy bulletproof underwear.

I think the guy modeling the underwear is kinda cute. ;)

Changed my template again....

I got tired of the nautical theme, and I wanted something more minimalistic, since it's what I'm feeling at the moment.

(And this is post #199 on my blog. Darn you, jozjozjoz! Darn you to heck!)

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Recent goings-on...

o Still coughing and hacking up stuff from this nasty flu bug I got last week. Yuck.

o Went to an "Asian American Music Night" at StudioZ.tv and listened to this Korean folk singer who was unintelligible in both Korean and English, then listened to a good punk Chinese American band which had great guitarists, but then my ears were ringing so I had to leave (considering I'm a transcriptionist--that's not a good thing). The cool thing about it was seeing that the lead singer's parents and family were there to support him and they were really happy to see him play. It was actually pretty stunning to see that happen since it's stereotypical to see 1st generation Asian American parents not being supportive of their kids who want to do pop or rock music.

Considering that StudioZ.tv used to be the Transmission Theater, home of the old Jaded (sigh), it brought back good memories and the shock that it was a lot smaller than what I iamgined.

o Had gone to Good Vibrations with the husband earlier and noticed all the interesting vibrators that were there, like a vibrator that looked like a mole, and one that looked like a flower with a ladybug on/off switch (discreet until you turn it on I guess). Also pleasantly surprised to see a friend of mine published in Best Black Gay Erotica.

o Totally enamored by Beard Papa cream puffs. Considering I want to start swimming seriously again and whatnot, this is not good. :P