Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Thoughts about Pride and life...and other random shit...

Still reeling from Joz's announcement about her dad suffering a massive brain hemorrhage which brings back memories of my own experience of losing my mom 3 1/2 years ago, which was relatively sudden, if not unexpected, given her health. Please continue to send her messages and positive energy to her and her family. I guess if anything, it just continually reminds me of the temporality (does that even make sense?) of life in general, and that everything good that's going on needs to be appreciated; and everything bad, well, that'll pass soon enough. Probably the most lasting legacy of what happened was that I finally found the courage to be out completely, and to be true to myself and those closest to me.

SF's Gay Pride last weekend was, well, everything that I expected. Totally commercial (not surprisingly), though we did manage to sneak in some relatively non-commercial stuff like listening to joel tan do a fun reading of 70s and 80s songs that were racist against Asian Americans.

What's been bugging me was seeing the Radical Faeries areas, which were usually in a tent, but for some reason was out in the open this year. And while the Radical Faeries are known for being very sexually expressive, and with a lot of them walking around naked, and having sex with each other, for some reason it just bugged the shit out of me that a handful of them (maybe about 2 or 3 at most) were doing this in front of children. Most of them did it in their own space that was completely blocked off so that only adults could enter, which I don't have a problem with by any means. But it does make me wonder about the motivations of the ones who were doing it for all and sundry. Granted, some of the kids who happened to hang out were being led by idiotic parents who didn't realize what was going on, and there were other kids with their parentswere hanging out with naked men who weren't doing anything sexual except for just being naked, which is fine. But having sex in front of them...I was just extremely upset. Also given that many of the Radical Faeries (and a lot of other New Age folk) have this fucked-up romantic attitude toward primitive (usually Asianesque or Pacific Islander-esque, but also with pagan European traditions) where the historical and cultural context is lost among people trying to claim or re-claim these traditions, well, it was all I could do to not get into my educated ghetto mode.

Pride was fun for the most part, besides that. It was good to see friends who I hadn't seen since my self-imposed exile after being completely overexposed last year in the media, and I was happy to see that all my former staff is doing well.

Aside from that, trying to come grips with my own financial situation and realizing that I have to take control of my financial issues.

Blah. It's been a very introspective week, and it's only Tuesday!


Rona Fernandez said...

Ooh, I would've loved to see you get into your 'educated ghetto' mode. I love it! I've been there a few times myself...

Thanks for the post on my blog, too; you really did help me realize I was taking the blog thing way too seriously. It felt good to cut loose with some not-so-positive stuff.

Good vibes to you and your friend Joz' family; I hope you all make it through this time okay.

Peace, R.

Efren said...

I think that's the thing with something that's as public as a blog. We think that there's an "audience" for us who's waiting to come up with something brilliant every time we blog--but first and foremost, if we don't please ourselves, whatever we try to do that's for other people will just end up being crap. It's something that I've always known ever since I had the balls to do artistic shit--when I tried to "perform," I did badly; when I did it for fun, I loved it.