Thursday, November 30, 2006

Someone drain my sinuses now. Please.

I have one of these annoying 3-day colds where it feels like I'm having a cold and someone pushed fast forwsrd.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat, and proceeded to get all in one day all the symptoms that I usually get in a week with a regular cold: sore throat to runny nose to stuffy and runny nose and now my sinuses feel like they're stuffed with cotton.

I guess it shows that my immune system is doing what it's supposed to do--and that I'm drinking tons of water to flush the damn virus out.

But I'm not sick enough where I have to be in bed--I just have this nasty constant postnasal drip and my sinuses are clogged--the rest of my body feels fine.

Blah.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Part 2 of my mansi-cello underway!

So I just completed the second part of mansi-cello, or limoncello using calamansi instead of lemons, which is just making a simple sugar syrup (getting a whole lot of sugar, and some water and boiling it for 15 minutes). I decided to try something different and instead of just using only water, I used the frozen calamansi juice that I had squeezed to get the peels in the first place, along with 2 cups of water to boil with the 3 cups of white sugar. After about 20 minutes, the kitchen had this heavenly smell of calamansi and the syrup was to fucking die for. I let it cool down for a few hours.

While that was cooling, I did a couple of personal bests today in swimming, doing 3040 yards in about 70 minutes and smashed my best time in doing a 20 yard sprint by over 2 seconds (from 16 to 14 seconds) and my coach said I could've done it in 12 if I were fresh and not doing it as my last 2 laps!

Came back home and put the sugar syrup and the decanted infused vodka, shook it, and it looked like fucking limoncello. I'm so excited I might just keep this first batch for myself.

Considering that I also just found out that I should ace both of my classes this semester, I'm feeling pretty damn good right now. :)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Is writing a memoir in your 30s self-indulgent?

I've been turning this over in my head a lot the past few months, and it's really begun to crystallize after reading my friend Rona's recent post on her blog, and it got me thinking about what I've done for the past 30+ years.

I don't think I really want to put my shit out there for public consumption, as I don't think I'd be comfortable as a writer. But on the other hand, I find it amusing that when I describe to people what I've been through so far in this extremely short time that I've been alive, that I've done more than most people have who are my age (at least from the surprised looks on their faces). Not to say that I feel like I've accomplished all that much, but I think that I've learned a lot and just want something tangible to look at in order to lay it to rest.

It is cool to say that I've done such things as come out on an international level; enjoyed a brief stint as some kind of known political activist/talking head/"expert" on a subject; found a love of my life; recognizing, celebrating and overcoming aspects of my past in order to embrace my future; made peace with my mom and dad; cursed those who've hurt and abused me growing up; and really discovering how to love and care for others by loving and caring for myself.

But I look at the (hopefully) 50-60 years more that I've got ahead of me and think that I've got a long way to go, and it feels like that I've learned not to engorge myself on everything life has to offer--but to savor and appreciate everything slowly. Some things leave a sweet taste and memory for a lifetime; others are fleeting, briefly and extremely bitter, but flavor your life anyway.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Me? Bitch?

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a while since he moved up to Seattle to be with his boyfriend, and I was chatting about my life and how frustrating everything's been the past few weeks.

He said he was happy that I was talking to him, and that I was actually bitching about my life instead of talking about how great it was.

Which is kinda strange, because I feel like I bitch all the frickin' time, and I feel like I have to look at the good things in life more often than the bad.

Guess it's nice to have a fresh perspective once in a while.

So in other things going on in my life--looking forward to classes finishing up for the semester, watching in anticipation as my calamansi-cello starts to take shape, and being pensive about life in general.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, as the old adage goes...

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Making a (cala)mansicello....

So I went to go see my dad earlier today and saw that the calamansi (a popular Filipino citrus fruit that tastes like orange, lemon and lime) tree that I bought for him 10 years ago as a Xmas/anniversary present was bearing fruit again. I picked about a pound of the fruit (all the stuff that I can get without falling off the ladder anyway) and tried to figure out what to do with it--bake Christmas presents with it? juice it? make sorbet?

I called a chef friend of mine who suggested I tried making a variation of limoncello with it (easy enough--get some Everclear, then macerate the peels in it for 10-40 days, add some sugar syrup, then let it sit again for a few more days). Oops, just found out I can't get Everclear in California...guess I'll just have to get some cheap vodka.

I take it I'll be very popular once this gets finished, at least with the Filipinos.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Wow, Post #250.

I guess that doesn't really mean anything since there's a lot of posts that I've never published (either because they contained things that I wasn't comfortable in sharing, or they just plain didn't make sense at all). But I guess it shows how much my blog's evolved as I've gotten used to writing on a format like this--which is really about me, though it's nice to see that some people actually read it. I've gotten used to writing for particular audiences, whether it be scientifically or as an opinion piece, or whatever. But writing this blog was really more about me, and what I was going through. Not like an inane diary detailing the minutiae of my days gone by, but it seemed like I was marking things out, things that made sense in my life.

A lot's been going on in my life as of late, and I'm not sure how I'm going to write about it--I think that's part of the reason I've been holding back writing in this blog for a while. There's a difference between making an announcement and looking like I'm just a fool for attention.

Suffice it to say that the cosmos (or the universe or God or whoever's directing this crazy show) is telling me to combine all the aspects of my life and to make it a whole entity, and not just neat and compartmentalized. I think too much of my life has been spent trying to make distinctions (pre-gay vs. gay vs. post-gay, for example, or pre-my mom's passing vs. post), and I've been obviously very disjointed because of it.

I'm having to make a bunch of different decisions over the next few months, and the simple truth of looking at my life as a whole is something that keeps slapping me in the face every time I try to avoid it, and that ultimately, living my life is really only for one person--me. Others will participate, and others will float in and out of my life, and others will always be integral to my life (like the husband/bf/lover/whatever), but I'm realizing that if I'm not living my life and doing things for me, it's not worth it.

Maybe that's why I left the PhD program, swore off being a nonprofit whore, and stopped being a supposedly selfless activist--while it works for the most part for me...it felt like I was holding myself back because of untruths that I told myself. The funny part is my life feels so much more meaningful now that I'm being completely "selfish." Working the 40+ hours a week plus taking all these classes plus worrying about my bills and tiring myself out at the gym and loving my partner and the friends and family who are in my life---everything makes more sense now than it has when I was fulfilling some part of me that I thought needed it--and really didn't. The irony isn't lost on my dad who highlights the fact that if I just did what he wanted me to do 15 years ago, I wouldn't be where I am. On a side note, maybe I'll finally have the balls to finally come out to him--kinda ironic, considering that I'm probably one of the most out Filipinos out there, but I've never really told my family.

But I feel like I've learned so much about people, about myself, about everything--that wouldn't have been fulfilled if I were just the typical overachieving middle class boring Filipino American who was also incredibly closeted, fearful of criticism, and afraid of living of life for fear of offending people. I've started to slough that off. And I'm beginning to like what I see.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Interesting things I'm learning in classes...

So I've been taking a class on human physiology at CCSF and I've been learning quite a bit about how the body works, and learning about various diseases. It's actually pretty interesting (given that it's an 8 AM class and I'm invariably late, it says a lot), though the past few classes I've been thrown for a loop because I've been learning about how exactly my mom passed away (complications of bypass surgery along with having diabetes and a stroke).

It's weird because that was one of the few things that I had really been upset about when my mom passed. When she died, my family decided not to do an autopsy. After learning about how the body begins to die because of acute cardiac failure, I suddenly learned why. It was both a relief and a shock--that her death was relatively banal and, for lack of a better word, textbook.

I'm not sure how exactly this will fit in my memories of my mom, since I'm still having to study this for at least another month when I have my final, but learning this takes a load off my mind.