Friday, February 23, 2007

More than I EVER wanted to know about my body...

The past few days I had been suffering from a painful spot...on my butt. I begged my doctor to schedule me to see him, since it basically hurt to do anything involving my legs or my backside, but I couldn't see someone until this morning, where I was seen by one of the nurse practitioners on staff.

Sure enough, she told me it was an abscess and told me that she would have to open it. Which is fine, and I tolerated the shots of anesthetic so I wouldn't even feel her cutting the sore open, even if it did feel like a large insect was stabbing me in the butt.

What was probably most disgusting was that she decided to give me a play-by-play detail of everything that she was doing...

"Yup, the blood's coming out...Ooh! I can see the pus coming out! Wow, it's really smelly!"

"Wow, it is really deep in there." (this was said while she was squeezing my buttocks to get more of the abscess out)

"Ooh, it looks like cottage cheese!" And she then proceeds to show me a bloody lump of cheesy material.

Like I REALLY needed to see that, especially since it's coming from my backside. And as if I needed any more incentive not to eat cottage cheese. Blech.

At least I feel a lot better and I can walk without screaming in pain.

Next week, I get to see a surgeon so that he can remove the original thing that was causing me all this grief in the first place--a sebaceous cyst, which apparently can grow not only sebum (the stuff in pimples), but hair and teeth.

I just hope HE doesn't give me a play-by-play of what comes out of my backside.

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