Thursday, July 12, 2007

How to even start this?

Well, as the husband's mentioned on his blog, he's moving to Seattle in a couple of months.

For the most part, I wasn't sure how to bring this up since I had so much to process on my own before I felt comfortable "coming out" about it even though Howard's already done it for the past few months. To say it's been interesting has been an understatement, and if anything it's helped spur our relationship so that we've become even closer, even with his impending departure physically.

It's been to our credit that our relationship and the both of us have always been extremely unconventional--neither of us have ever really been that enamored about traditional relationships, and we've allowed ourselves a lot of freedom as we've gone through this relationship.

It's made me realized how much we've grown--grown apart, grown together, just grown. It hasn't been easy, especially since it means saying goodbye to a part of our relationship that has been my mainstay since I was 23. We've discussed this, fought over this, cried over it, and it's actually meant stripping away a lot of our conceptions that have grown and covered up our relationship, forcing us to see what our relationship really is: as two people who really love each other. The great (and incredibly annoying, depending on how you look at it) part is realizing that I do have someone that I love for life; the sad part right now is that in order for us to grow, we have to be apart. We've both felt stuck with how we've dealt with things, and both Howard and I realize that things have to change in order to make them better.

It would've been easier for me if I were really able to push him away and move on, but we both realize that it's something that we can't do, and we're not sure why, but we'll see how this works out. It's been interesting for us to talk like we'll get back together, and to actually mean it. Call it intuition, or wishful thinking, but things have always happened so that we've been together.

At the same time, it's also meant realizing that options that have been previously closed are open, particularly in terms of pharmacy school and where I want to go--it still doesn't mean that I'm planning on leaving the area (unless I get into Hawaii, then all bets are off :). It also means that I'm "single", though honestly that's really one of the furthest things on my mind.

I still love Howard, and I always will. I guess it's going to be interesting to see how the next few months (and years) will work themselves out.