Monday, April 28, 2008

Thinking about the future...

So as most people who read my blog regularly know, I've been waitlisted for my two top pharmacy schools, and I'm trying to be patient. And while I know this and have to let things move on their own accord because I can't do anything to push the process along, it's been extremely draining emotionally for me. I would've thought that I would've been able to put plans in motion for school by now, but being waitlisted for these schools means that I can't plan. Given that I like to plan for everything, especially for such a crazy life-altering experience as going back to school, it's been pretty tough not knowing what my immediate future's going to be like, let alone the next few years after that.

If there's anything good that's going to come out of this, it's realizing that I have to appreciate what I do know and have--the present, and I think that's the one thing that I've never been good at: to be able to appreciate all the gifts I have for what they are, since worrying about my future right now is pointless. It just seems so convenient that I'm learning all these life lessons as I'm turning a new chapter in my life and that until I do, I feel like I'm stuck. Whether it's knowing I have the love and support of my family, friends and husband and feeling secure in my decisions, whatever they may be; to appreciating that I can still do many of the things in my 30s that I was in my 20s (and meeting many people who can't); and that no matter what else happens, I will be making decisions that I'll have to be able to live with. It also helps that I'm appreciating aspects of my life that I've neglected (like realizing that singing and dancing represent two hobbies in my life that give me absolute joy, and that until very recently I wasn't able to do either regularly).

I guess that's the big dilemma in my life now--am I willing to move to another part of the country (heck, another part of the world) to fulfill my dream and leave everything I know behind, or am I willing to gamble and wait for my dream school to accept me and stay here with everyone and everything that's near and dear to my heart? Either way it's incredibly frightening, but also very exciting. Frankly, that's not a question I'm ready to answer, because that question hasn't been really posed to me yet. I'm not sure how I will answer that question when it poses itself.

1 comment:

Leon Koh said...

chose the one you rather not give up, then to chose the one you'd really should have