Friday, September 19, 2008

Thoughts on moving...

So I'm in the process of moving to a new place back in SF over the past week, and it's been more of an emotional roller coaster ride than I was expecting. In the process of moving, I'm getting rid of more than half the clothes I have, and 90% of my books. It's been weird because although I haven't read any of the books, nor have I worn a lot of these clothes, it feels weird to actually get rid of stuff, even though most of it means close to nothing to me.

A lot of it probably stems from growing up in a working class immigrant Filipino American family where both my parents grew up saving stuff, though compared to both of them I have an easier time getting rid of things. Coupling that with Howard's admitted pack rat tendencies, I accumulated a lot of stuff for no particular reason except to just hold onto it.

Making the move to SF is forcing me to let go of a lot of things, both material and otherwise. I'm getting rid of all the books I had from grad school and teaching, realizing that while some of it is interesting, I no longer have the sustained interest to keep reading high falutin theory. Asian American studies has always been an interest to me, but again, I feel like that's a part of my life that's done for now. Getting rid of most of the clothes that I haven't worn in the past year has also made me look at the relationship I've had with my body--from wearing oversized, unflattering clothes to hide my body shape because I didn't want to confront my unhealthy habits, to learning how to wear clothes that make me feel good and look good as I began to work out more and feel my body take on its current shape. The only books I'm keeping (well, actually, letting a friend borrow for the time being) are my cookbooks and my science textbooks--which I guess shows my two main interests. I'm also keeping a lot of the books that are related somehow to health from a clinician point of view but in more layman's terms. Even then, that's really only about 20 books that I'm keeping total. They're also taking the bulk of my video games, which for the most part I have no time to play anyway.

I'm realizing that in my spare time especially being back in SF, I want to be with people, re-establish lost contacts when I moved in with Howard's sister six years ago, and strengthen the new friendships I've made the past couple years. It also helps a lot that I'll be living with Booster, since we can both help each other. I want to be out and about, being with friends, exploring and appreciating SF for what it is. I'm not that interested in playing video games, or chatting or doing other things like that anymore where I'm removed from human connection. I think the past year, especially with Howard gone, that I hid behind the computer screen since I was going through my own issues of being alone for the first time in years.

In a way, moving, packing, donating, and removing stuff has been very cathartic. For me the two rooms that I've lived in the past 6 years have represented a lot of hard times for me--dealing with my mom's passing, dealing with issues with Howard and our relationship and its evolution, and seeing how I've changed as a person, and really where I finally began to grow up. I feel like I'm finally read to venture out.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Is this where I get it from?

So I wanted to go see my dad this coming Sunday to let him know that I'm moving back to SF, and I gave him a call.

--"Oh, Jun-Jun (my familial nickname, just means I'm Efren Jr.), I'm going to be busy. You have a couple of aunts in Alaska visiting."

o (thinking, Alaska? aunts? Neither my dad, nor anyone else on his side of the family, has ever mentioned anything about having relatives in Alaska?!) Uh, ok, Dad. Well, why don't we all get together for lunch? I'd love to meet them!

-- (uncomfortable pause from my dad. I can literally hear his gears turning trying to think of a plausible excuse.) "Um...well, you see, Jun-Jun, I have to drive them everywhere, up to Napa, Reno, and I don't think I'll have any time to get together with you on Sunday. Let's get together the following Sunday."

o (thinking, riiiiight, Dad.) Oh yeah, sure, I'll just call you next week. (hangs up)

Jesus, and to think that my dad was just such a nice monogamous type of guy.

I guess I really know where I get my player instincts from. Sheesh.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lots of things going on...

It's been a pretty crazy past few weeks for me, and I haven't really had a lot of noteworthy stuff to blog lately. Until now, anyway.

o Hawai'i-Hilo started classes two weeks ago, but I still haven't gotten the official rejection letter yet from them. Bastards. I probably won't apply there again since I had such a bad experience with them not following up with me in a timely manner.

o I'm #18 on UCSF's waitlist as of last Friday. Classes start next week, and I'm hoping for a miracle, but just in case, I'm going to complete my application for 2009 this week.

o I'm moving back to San Francisco in a few weeks. I'm realizing that my current living situation isn't working out (actually, it hasn't ever really worked out all that well), but I think this will give me the swift kick in the pants I need to start being social and having friends to hang out with regularly, instead of having to plan things out constantly because where I was living was really inconvenient.

o To that end, I'm going to have to go through major consolidation and cleaning up/getting rid of stuff that I've accumulated since I've been living in Daly City for six years. Most of it's stuff that I should've gotten rid of years ago, but for one reason or another, just never got around to it.

o Trying to decide whether I'm ready to go car-less. Considering that when I move back up to the City I'm literally a block away from the bus line that could take me to my jobs, or even walk to my jobs, I'm wondering if it's even worth it to keep my car. Not sure at this point.

o Really happy that the husband found someone new in Seattle. As for me...I'm keeping my mouth shut. :)