Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The breakup post with 2014

Dear Mr. 2014:

I honestly thought that you'd be one of the more boring years I've had recently. Granted, I did turn 40 this year, but honestly I think you'd be all about stability. I entered the year with a relatively stable job, no big plans or goals happening, just trudging along with no expectations.

I should've remembered that when I have no expectations of anything happening, everything happens. Along the way, I keep relearning things, remembering things, and I feel a greater sense of gratitude.

You surprised me the most on the career front. Towards the end of the year, I ended up getting recruited from a very stable (but extremely stressful) retail chain pharmacy job to an independent pharmacy where I'm running the show and pharmacist-in-charge (hence the last post). It's only been about 3 weeks, but I absolutely love it. I love the freedom, the regular workdays, the responsibility, and even the crazy challenges by pretty much going solo and being trusted by my boss to get the job done. I also started doing a side job doing drug info and being a clinical pharmacist editor/writer/consultant here. Combining the two things that I love most about being a pharmacist has been pretty awesome. It also helps that I became volunteer clinical faculty at two universities too (here and here). Not shabby for being a pharmacist for barely two years!

You also reminded me of the importance of friends and family. My old work schedule made it impossible to hang out with anyone; I'm now re-connecting with old friends and family, and I'm making new friends. It forces me out of my comfort zone, to be a normal human being, and to just be me--one of the hardest things to be sometimes!

To that end, you also forced me to look at what I wanted to change about my life and make myself happier. I took myself back to the gym, and I'm much happier working out again, and getting rid of that stress. And thanks for reminding me what muscle fatigue is. Oy....

You've also reinforced that time doesn't stand still. While I'm going through a stable part of my life right now, you've reminded me to help people who aren't doing so well; to lend an ear, to donate, to provide support. Maybe that's why life is so satisfying right now, that I'm finally able to give back to the communities that have really supported me for so long.

And finally, thanks for introducing me to some great guys who've helped me accept myself truly; not just the smart brainy part, but all the other parts I choose to forget. You've introduced me to some guys who actually like bigger Asian guys, and you've reminded me that I am a person deserving of friendship, intimacy, sex, and (dare I say it?) love.

I have to say, Mr. 2014, thanks for introducing me to one of my biggest fans (rolling eyes). I have to thank his persistence, and for you for opening my eyes to notice his charm, his good looks, his smile, his jokes, his sweet personality, and for opening my heart to this new possibility. We'll see where this goes, but I'm looking forward to this ride...

So Mr. 2014, thanks for being the year that I wasn't expecting, and for providing me with not what I really wanted, but what I really needed. A dose of reality, and rewards and karma for everything that has happened. I hope Mr. 2015 will be just as sweet and wonderful as you are (I just have to try to stay humble, grounded and focused!).


Tuesday, December 02, 2014

The breakup post with Professional Job 1

Dear Mr. Professional Job 1:

So I submitted my final, official, final resignation letter to you a few weeks after being asked to reconsider in October. Not that there was much to be gained if I were to stay-as being asked to become manager of where I'm currently working didn't exactly gain enough points for me to seriously consider changing my mind.

It's been a very interesting ride these past 15-odd months since I graduated from pharmacy school and you came to open the door for my first job right out of school. I thought, oh- working 40 hours a week now, that'll give me time to do all the things that I didn't have time to do during school.

And then it didn't happen. What was an average of 40 hours per week ended up with me working 56 hours one week and 24 the next, and being so utterly exhausted and done with people after working 10 out of 11 days that I was a hermit for those 3 day weekends. That didn't exactly do wonders for my social life or dating life which was primarily nonexistent until a couple of weeks ago...but that's another post.

I have learned to become a pharmacist. A damn good pharmacist. And apparently I also become a very good manager when I got thrown into the role 3 weeks after landing a position as a staff pharmacist...

Which led to my meeting Professional Job 2 which will start next week. While I have felt appreciated, I do understand now why community pharmacists can burn out so quickly--faced with never-ending tasks that never get done, dealing with out-of-control patients, dealing with constantly broken-down or sometimes even lack of utter resources, it made me wonder very quickly what it all led to.

And it led to a call from Professional Job 2--the appeal of many things that can't be matched with Job 1 (no weekends! bankers hours! professional freedom! higher pay!). I feel like I can finally do what I was trained to do, care for patients' needs, instead of constantly staring down an abyss of unfilled, untyped, unverified prescriptions, unreasonable expectations from someone who doesn't understand the unique challenges of where I work, and sometimes just plain utter exhaustion from having to juggle so many things all at once.

I know that I've been prepared very well to begin Professional Job 2, and I'm willing to see where this leads. It also helps that the boss is a very good looking otter-type straight boy, but that's another post.

Thanks for preparing me for this craziness, PJ1. I have a better understanding of what my career is and where I want it to lead. It is incredibly frightening at the same time because I am being thrust into this role so quickly after school--the difference between when similar circumstances happened to me 10 years ago to who I am now, I am much better prepared to take on a relative position of authority, an opportunity that was denied and forgotten (thankfully) years ago.

I do hope Mr. PJ2 that this will really be a good growing opportunity for me. And it also does really help that while this new boss is really easy on the eyes, I do have someone wanting me, even if he is very, very far away at the moment....